“I just wanted a really big hamburger. I was starting to get hungry. Why was this taking so long? I waited as I scanned the area” Alternatively “She just wanted a really big hamburger. She was starting to get hungry. Why was this taking so long? She thought. She waited as she scanned the area”
If what you're writing sounds like this,you’ve come to the right place, my friends. Welcome to the Homestead, the cozy home for writers looking to improve their craft. If you don’t know me, I’m Kaylee Umstead, author of The King’s Actors, and I have spent the last six years developing and researching my craft. I’m here today to share my advice to new writers that I wish someone would have told me when I first started. Today we’re heading down to the lake to fish out words that are hindering your writing from evolving from good to irresistible! I highly advise you to look up “words that weaken prose” because there are a lot that I won’t have time to cover today, but I wanted to highlight my favourite three.
Now that we’ve baited the hook and tossed it in, let’s talk about our first fish; “Just”. Just is one of those words that is filler. It’s fluff. We can get rid of it. We don’t need it. Instead of writing “I just really wanted a hamburger” which could be mistaken for a character moment, would be stronger if you simply said “I craved a hamburger” It’s one less word, yet makes the sentence not only more concise, but more interesting to read. If a writer wanted to make this a character moment, something I do for my characters (because I personally don’t curse) is attribute a curse word to each of them, tailored to their personality. Rex has an arsenal of alternatives he switches between, but Chestnut just has one that I can add in front of the sentence to make it feel closer to the character.
Our second fish is “Really”. This is one of the greatest hindrances in descriptive paragraphs. “The leaves were really green” is undeniably much more boring than “The leaves shimmered a vibrant green”. The difference between the two is that I attributed an action and an adjective to the leaves that went beyond a be verb, “were”, and the bland adjective, “really”. This fish is the difference between “Really happy” and "Ecstatic"; “Really wanted” and “craved”.
The third fish is one that often gives writers trouble. It’s an essential element to the story, but if overdone can be detrimental to the prose. Pronouns. He, She, They, I, Us, We– whatever point of view (POV) you are writing in, pronouns are one of the most important components of a sentence, else you’re left with “Steve ran. Glinda talked. Arthur asked” which, after any length of time becomes excruciatingly redundant. A balance is in order to make sure that your writing doesn’t sound like the first sentence of the article. Just as saying “Steve ran. Then Steve sat. Then Steve went to play baseball” is redundant, so can the pronoun be. My general rule of thumb for a well put together paragraph starts with a name, is followed by a pronoun, and ends with a description/action. Sometimes I break from this pattern, but it’s a good formula to practice to stimulate those brain juices. Disclaimer: your writing will sound equally as stiff if you use this formula without varying it. For example, let me create a makeshift excerpt.
Daniel stilled once a loud thud resounded around the cave. “Please say you just finished a seven course meal.” His whisper reached the length of his sword, then tapered off into silence. Troll breath warmed the air and by instinct Daniel swung his sword, slicing into the leg of the beast.
Here we see the name, “Daniel”, the pronoun “His”, and the description of the breath followed by the action of the swinging sword.
That concludes our fishing session! We can close the lid of the cooler and skin these later for a nice home cooked meal. When seared and left to bake, Just becomes irrelevant, Really becomes a stronger adjective, and the fat of excess pronouns melts right off. Thank you for visiting the Homestead! Next week we’ll discuss another mistake new writers can make that hinders their prose, Active vs. Passive voice! Stay tuned, friends!
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